guide to interpreting your drink

Apparently if I walk into a bar and order a beer on tap, women will view me as a man who is reliable, down-to-earth and low-maintenance. But he may put his dog — possibly a Labrador mix named Prince — before them. If they have Guiness on tap (the only way to drink Guiness), I'm 95% sure that's what I'll order. When I get the Guiness, then I'm overtly masculine, or am playing pseudo-sophisticate to the nth degree?

The LA Times has published a scientific survey (okay, I stretched that a little) to match personality traits with drink choice. While I'm sure the sampling error of these surveys is large it is interesting to see how well it matches up with the people we know. There's two parts to this, the first is what do men think of the drinks women drink. The second is what women think of the drinks men drink.
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What men think of what women drink...

Beer: It doesn't matter what kind you drink, most guys approve and it shows you are laid-back and comfortable in your surroundings, not trying to impress anyone.

But they advise that if it is a first date and you're going for drinks somewhere other than a sports bar, it's probably not the best choice.

Wine (red or white): A bit refined, or at least pretending to be.

Margarita: A fun-loving girl with lots of personality.

Gin and tonic: Guys are split on this one. Some say it signifies a sophisticated woman; others say it is someone looking to get drunk.

Either way, it signals that you may have hit your grandma's liquor cabinet early on. Use sparingly.

Martini: Somewhat classy — or you just like the fun glass.

Cosmopolitan: A bit trendy, and some guys view it as snobby. Also, it shows someone with expensive taste. So if the guy's paying the bill, steer clear of this one, especially if the date's going badly. He doesn't want to have to take out a loan to buy you drinks.

Long Island iced tea: He knows how much alcohol is in it — and that you might end up spending the night feeling very, very ill.

Rum and Coke: This is a basic, and fairly safe, drink choice. Someone who likes to have fun but can keep herself in check.

Whiskey and Coke: Borderline alcoholic. Someone who is a bit sassy, will speak her mind and won't care what anyone thinks.

Vodka cranberry: Someone not familiar with many drinks, but who still likes to have fun and knows that vodka will do the trick without tasting too bad.

Red Bull and vodka: An absolute party girl. Save this one for the club.

Smirnoff Ice/Mike's Hard Lemonade/wine cooler: He probably won't appreciate this drink choice; unless your date is at the 7-Eleven, get a real drink.

Mudslide/white Russian: Any drink with milk in it scares guys.

Sea breeze/Midori sour/amaretto sour: A bit of a good girl. Someone who likes to drink but doesn't like the taste of alcohol.

Tequila: Guys dig a tequila drinker, but some claim "she is a keeper — just for the night though." Avoid at all costs if you don't want to end up seeing his sheets. Otherwise, bottoms up.
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What women think of what men drink...

Beer on tap: Women told me they think a man who orders a beer is reliable, down-to-earth and low-maintenance. But he may put his dog — possibly a Labrador mix named Prince — before them.

Dark beer: Women were divided — Is he overtly masculine, or is he a guy who's playing pseudo-sophisticate to the nth degree?

Cosmopolitan: Shops at Pier One. Women immediately place in the "friend" category.

Martini: Just blurt it out — "Let me impress you with my suave, metrosexual ways." Women view this drink as a sign of social skills. On the Westside, this is particularly effective, since the martini will frequently be ordered with a faux British accent.

Mike's Hard Lemonade: A rank amateur. Women check the ID to make sure he's really 21.

Rum and Coke: Women said "Average Joe," a joiner, a person so nondescript he's a possible future Supreme Court nominee.

Scotch on the rocks: Elegant, sophisticated, with manly Old World charm. Either that or he read the book "999 Ways to Impress Chicks" while working the drive-through window.

Harvey Wallbanger: A man's man; the type who goes to football games shirtless with five of his friends, each with a letter across his torso spelling out their team's nickname.

Red Bull and vodka: A bandwagon-jumper who wears a shirt emblazoned in 14-inch "Tommy Hilfiger" lettering and asks "How about our Angels?" even though he's not certain what sport they play.

Wine (red or white): Distinguished and ambitious. Although that vacant staring at the wine list is viewed as a way of avoiding conversation.

Long Island iced tea: "My backseat sleeps two comfortably."

Gin and tonic: Possibly dull, he regales dates with complaints about his failed third marriage.

Margarita: "The party didn't even get started till 4:30 in the morning and then we were still doing Jell-O shooters at 7 p.m. the next day" type.

Tequila: Women surmise a tequila drinker is a free spirit. Always a chance he could cancel a future date due to court-ordered attendance at an AA meeting.

Club soda: First thing a woman thinks is "on the wagon." Second thing she thinks is "cheap." Best way to determine which is to see if he takes you to Norm's on your second date and then says it's his birthday so he gets the free sliver of carrot cake.

Zima: Women think you're the type who will invite them back to your double-wide to watch the "Dukes of Hazzard" marathon.